Pest or Cholera
by colasun
Summary: It's all about free will, isn't it? So Lucifer has a choice. Pest or Cholera. Boring paperwork or collecting the child from school. What will it be?


**Hey guys,**

 **Like I said, I get distracted from time to time and things like that came out of it. I hope you like it! Lucifer and Chloe are finally together and like a good boyfriend Lucifer tries to please her and to accomplish that, he had to choose between pest or cholera. Neither option was to his liking.**

 **Have fun with these 2660 words! Thanks for your support and thanks to the best beta in the world.**

 **Your colasun**

* * *

 **Pest or Cholera**

"You have to do me a favor!" His radiating smile fell a little, but he kept his composure and placed her coffee-to-go onto her desk. That stuff from the precinct was just disgusting. It didn't even deserve the description coffee. "Good morning to you too, detective. Hope your evening was as boring as mine." Chloe rolled her eyes, but smiled a little. The child was supposed to be at a friend's house for a sleepover, but there seemed to have been a fight between the girls and because the douche was down with some kind of illness, the detective had to go to collect her after the other mother had called. So, no sleepover for the devil. She should have left that damned phone at home. The children surely wouldn't have killed each other straight away, would they? And even if, Maze had teached Beatrice well. She would have won with flying flags.

"Thanks for the coffee. I hope you're not intending of calling this… Beverly?" He looked at her bewildered. Who the hell was Beverly? She turned the cup for him to see. There was indeed said name and a phone number. "Oh, the barista! Nice, but not you though." Lucifer pulled out a chair for himself and sat down elegantly. "Good answer.", she praised. He wanted to reach out to her, but she had that stupid rule about professionalism. "Thank you! Now, what's the new case about?" "No new case, Lucifer. I need you for something else." Expecting something interesting and hoping for something naughty, he leaned forward. "Someone needs to pick up Trixie from school." Taken aback he blinked a few times. "I beg your pardon?" Maybe he had misheard her. "I said someone needs to pick up Trixie from school. And with someone in general, I mean you in particular." Oh well, he had heard her alright then. He led out a nervous laugh. "It's very cruel of you to say things like that, love. I thought I have been a good devil since we started to…"

"Anyway!", Chloe interrupted him mid sentence. "Paperwork or school. Your choice." He couldn´t believe she would do that to him. "So you want me to choose between pest and cholera?" Annoyed the detective rolled her eyes again. "I'm not going to ask if you thought of my daughter as the pest or the cholera. Just do it for me, Lucifer. Please? I can't leave yet, but the teacher sounded urgent." The devil slowly exhaled. "Just driving to school, picking up that child of yours and driving her home. Probably staying with her until you get home as well? That's it, isn't it? I don't have to talk to that torturer of hers?" He was going to manage the task to her satisfaction. In and out. No problem. A relieved smile was his answer. She had played him. Again. Damn was she good. "I will talk to the teacher on parents evening. Thank you so much. I'll reward you later." "Yes yes, I'm looking forward to it, love. In the meantime you could think about that 'No-PDA-Rule'. Another eyeroll and she walked him to the elevator. Like he couldn't do it himself.

The devil pushed the button and was suddenly dragged into a dark corner by very familiar hands. Nobody was going to see them, but who was he to complain? Before he could open his mouth and ruin the moment, the detective pressed herself flush against him. Her skillful fingers were tugging on his open collar, so she didn't have to stand on her tiptoes to kiss him goodbye. Very long and very indecent to both his surprise and delight. But right when he thought she might let him have his way with her right then and there, she sunk down again on her footballs, smoothing out his wrinkled clothes. Beaming up at him in victory. "See you later. Be good!" With that she was gone. Leaving him hot and bothered behind.

Half an hour later Lucifer parked his beloved Corvette in front of the school. He had hoped the urchin would be waiting outside, but there was no sight of her. At least there were no other small humans around. After ten minutes of waiting he decided to go searching for the offspring. She had to be somewhere. One floor looked like the other to him, so he tried his luck at the office where he had met her the first time.

"Lucifer!" And there she was. Hugging him. Again. Why did he agree to that? He petted her head. "I know my name, child. Now get your bag so we can head home. Your mother made me stay with you for the afternoon." His tone was matter of factly, not expecting her high pitched scream of joy and her hugging him yet again. Wasn't one time more than enough?

"I was expecting Miss Decker." A new voice joined them. "I am Miss Johnson, the class teacher. And who are you?" The woman was mid-forty and glared at him and the child. Like he was a perv or something. "Lucifer is Mommy's boyfriend!" Beatrice granted him a toothy smile and began a sing-song about him and the detective sitting in a tree and what not. He had lost count on how often she had sung that song. "Okay, so if Miss Decker doesn´t have the courtesy to honor us with her presence, I have to check in with you. Your name's on the emergency list after all." Oh no, that hadn´t been the deal. When had he approved for his name to be dragged into this? "The detective will 'check in' with you on parents evening. I'm just here to take the child to the apartment." This was obviously not the answer she wanted to hear. "Either you're talking to me, or I can't let her go with you, Mr. Morningstar." He sighed. "So it's pest or cholera?" Unbelievable. Both illnesses were very nasty a few hundred years ago and now they forced him to live through it all over again?

"Excuse me?" The teacher frowned at him over the rim of her glasses. Fake glasses if he wasn't mistaken. Who would wear fake glasses? But come to think of it… who wanted to be around all these horrible creatures all day? What was wrong with this woman? Beatrice, at least, was tolerable. "Lead the way, Miss Johnson." He gestured for her to go ahead. "OK. Please sit down over there, Trixie. We won't be long."

Confused Lucifer looked at the little one, who shrugged helplessly in response. Days like these made him question his decision to leave hell. "She's not coming with us? But it's about her, isn't it?" The teacher didn't even bother with an answer, just turned around and stomped away. "Lovely.", he muttered to himself. "Don't do anything stupid, child, or your mother will kill me on the spot. Understand?" Nodding the girl left him and he followed that torturer of hers.

"What is this all about?" Lucifer asked impatiently a few minutes later. His chair was uncomfortable and this now lasted longer than intended. "Beatrice started a fight with another girl. We have to expell her for her behavior. There's a zero tolerance policy for physical violence on our school." The devil's eyebrows shot up to his hairline. Beatrice and a fist fight? "You've got to be kidding me. Whatever happened, I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation." What harm could an nine-year-old do anyway? "Believe me, I hear that kind of thing all the time. Trixie's a troublemaker and on top of that, she refused to apologize to that poor girl." A troublemaker? Maybe she was too much into sugar and chocolate and clingy and sometimes sticky, but a troublemaker? "Like I said, Miss teacher, Beatrice knows better. Something must have happened. Have you asked her?" "Are you questioning my integrity? Miss Decker is a police officer and a single parent, is she not? Perhaps there's the reason for the child's tendency to argue with physical violence instead of words?" Now the teacher had really crossed a line. Not only was she insulting Beatrice without hearing both sides of what happened, but was insulting his detective as well. The only thing that held him back from making the woman cower in fear was the image of said detective's disappointment. "Chloe Decker is one of the best detective's with the LAPD and works homicides. Makes the city safer. She teaches her daughter to defend herself if necessary, something any parent should do. And the child's father isn't so bad either. I'd like to hear the child's side now, if you don't mind." His voice was cool, some would even say downright chilly, but his tone was cut out of steel and it worked.

"I'm going to get her.", the teacher tried to smooth things over, but not quite giving up on her opinion. "Don't bother.", he cut her off. Already in the midst of calling the offspring. The detective had given her a phone for emergencies and while he had no idea how her number had made it in his phone and vice versa, this clearly was an emergency. Not five minutes later there was a knock on the door. For heaven's sake, she knocks before entering a room and she should be the school's badass bully? No way in hell. "Come on in, child!", Lucifer called out like it was his own office they were sitting in. Hesitant she did as she was told and sat down on the chair next to Lucifer. Looking very uncomfortable.

"Penny and her parents would like an apology, Trixie. Maybe next time you will think beforehand about your actions." Shooting that stupid woman a warning look, the devil turned around to face the girl. "What happened, Beatrice? I can't imagine you're the one who started the fight." Again the teacher opened her mouth to reprimand her pupil, but Lucifer was having none of it. "Come on, you can tell me. Who's that other urchin we're talking about?" Patience wasn't really his strong suit, but he tried his best.

"Penny is one of our most promising students, Mr. Morningstar. She's having a bright future ahead of her. It would be good for less gifted children to befriend her." The teacher fidgeted nervously. Lucifer sighed, his patience wearing thin already. He hadn't imagined his afternoon like this. "Is your name Beatrice as well?" "No.", she answered confused about the question. "Then why are you answering when I'm talking to Beatrice? Now, let's move this forward. Time is money and so on." Again he looked at the child and finally she spoke up.

"Penny's parents are richer than rich and because of that she thinks she can do whatever she wants. The teachers were always looking away when she cheats on tests or lets others do her homework or is commanding us around on the playground." Again the teacher intervened and it really annoyed Lucifer. "Trixie, I'm sure you confuse something here. You don't have to be jealous, just because your parents don't make as good a living as Penny's family." Enough was enough. He stood up, braced his palm on the cheap wooden desk and let just a glimmer of red flash into his eyes. Her breath caught in her throat and she leaned as far back as possible. "How about you let the child speak her mind? Is that a problem for you?" Hastily the woman shook her head. "I'm glad you see it my way. Go on, Beatrice." He sank back on his chair like nothing happened.

"When we had our first break this morning, she was mean to another girl and said bad words to her. So I stepped in and said she should leave the girl alone and why is she alway so mean anyway? Penny totally freaked out and called me names, you know. Words Mommy said I'm not allowed to use?" Oh, didn't he know that? The swear jar really was eating his money. So he nodded. "She wanted me to apologize, but I said no. Then she slapped me. See?" She tilted her head a little bit to the side and winced at the movement. A dark spot could be seen on her cheek. His blood boiled. "What happened next?", he tried a soothing tone, but wasn't very convincing. "Miss Johnson came and asked what's with all that noise and Penny pointed at me and claimed I slapped her. Miss Johnson believed her and here we are." The last sentence just rushed out of her and she slumped in her seat. Looking up at him with pleading eyes. As if he had any doubts. "I believe you, Beatrice. You have to tell your mother, though. She will know what to do." "But she will be sad, because I got into trouble. Would you come with me, Lucifer?" "We'll manage, believe me. Please wait in the car in front of the school. Just a minute." He pulled out his keys and gave them to her. Relieved she stands, hugged him to his embarrassment and shot through the door.

"Did you see Beatrice beat that Penny? With your own eyes?" The woman stammered again. "No, but Penny's family is not to be messed with." Under his hard and intense stare she continued to spill the beans. Obviously more frightened of him than the rich girl's family. "They donate a whole lot of money to the school " The furniture really didn't look like they were spending the donation right. "Is it true? What Beatrice said about the girl and how you let her dominate the others?" A few seconds silence followed. "Yes. Everything is true. I'm ashamed about it, but I'm never getting a job again if I open my mouth. I'm so sorry, Sir! Trixie is such a bright child and compassionate and intelligent and nice to everybody. Maybe you can find a new school for her? That would be the best for all of us! I beg you, Sir!" She burst into tears before him. A trembling and sobbing mess. Disgusted he stood up.

"It is not on me to decide about the child's education, but she will not be expelled and and this Penny what's-her-last-name will apologize to Beatrice and not the other way around. You, Miss Johnson, will apologize as well. To Beatrice, for implying she's a liar and to her parents as well. You will do the right thing, will you not?" He growled the last part. "But… but… what about…" "If the girl or her parents are unwilling, send them to me." Lucifer gave her a business card of LUX. "I will hear about your progress, Miss teacher, tomorrow, when I'm coming to pick up Beatrice again. Are we clear?" He flashed his eyes again at her and grinned for good measure.

On the way to the car he smoked a cigarette. Beatrice was waiting with her little butt on his seat and her little fingers fidgeting with the radio. Her mother through and through. "Smoking is bad, Lucifer.", she stated matter of factly. Just to spite the little urchin he took a long drag. She shook her head at him. Just like her mother would.

"Am I expelled now?" She looked troubled. "You didn't do anything wrong, so no, of course not." "Do we have to tell Mommy?" "You know the answer to that, Beatrice. Tell her like you told me. She won't be mad." "Okay.", the girl nodded, but didn't meet his eyes as he started the engine after making her shift to the passenger seat. The noise was like a purr to him. "What now, child?"

"Just… thank you… Lucifer. I'll hug you later. You can have a slice of my chocolate cake!" The cake he took with joy. But was the hug really necessary? He would rather let Chloe hug him. Preferably naked.

* * *

 **So, what do you think?**


End file.
